Just a looooong deeeep breath… to start this blog. Its been long a time whereby I have waited for this to come. I knew I can make it. Not that I am able to teach my heart. In this moment I appreciated the Giver of one of the element that humanity should appreciate.. TIME. For God is the healer of those who are broken-hearted, wounded, betrayed and rejected. In my case, I’m glad He uses TIME.
The deepness of this wound is the second deepest wound that I’ve ever had next to the event of having a broken family. I remember my Mom saw me for the first time to cry over a relationship. I have eaten my pride, became a stalker, set-aside my so called principle. I have been in the deepest valley of myself. Kala ko noon di na ko makakabangon. It was a nice, pure Christian relationship at the start that ended tragically. But I don’t have any regrets going through in that kind of emotional brutality.
RECAP. I have been enjoying the ministry when suddenly she came in my life. With pure intention, I have then planted my dreams with prayers to the Lord that includes her. We then became close friends then prayer partners. While enjoying my life as a youth minister, it added an excitement every time we were together in the ministry. We had time to pray, to interpret a bible verse, to use both our lives during services and other important spiritual exercises. Aside from God, she was my life, my friend, she even understand me better than my family. She supported me and I supported her. I didn’t mind if I have no money or lack of sleep, I couldn’t bear a moment that we didn’t see each other… each day. Until the day came, it was while we are celebrating the anniversary of our Youth Ministry (Oh mind you! I was the Chairman that time), I was surprised that she came with someone and she made him stayed at some of our church mate’s house. It broke my heart into pieces. To describe it best, it was the beginning of my route going to my own Calvary … My Own Golgotta period. And I wish I did recover after three days, but I didn’t. I counted years and today I rose again. Thank God I am born again.
I APOLOGIZE for those people and ladies who have been a victim of this once-upon-a-time-a-struggling-soul. In one way or another, I’m so sorry. I am glad some of you became my friends. You know who you are. I was fooled and also fooled others. Admittedly, I was an immature individual, feeling lost inside a cave of darkness, completely panicking on how to get out, searching for lights to lead me out. During that time, I wanted to fast forward the events by attending many spiritual camps, services, counseling sessions, and soul-searching activities just to be in this state. I was poor emotionally and financially, even drastically relating myself to every movie and song that I am hearing and watching. And during that time, I just wanted to sleep to pause my agony for a moment.
NOW. In front of God, I can now say eye-to-eye with her that I don’t love her anymore. As my close friends says, It not your lost Tom, It’s hers”. I prolong the feelings because of so much SANA.. DAPAT… SAYANG… and ANO KAYA KUNG?... and today, I cherished those people who have kept me strong and grounded. Those who’ve helped me find my broken pieces.
I am now appreciating the good Book that has a promise,” Those who wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strengths and will eventually soar like an eagle. Eaglets usually break their beaks so that it would be replaced by new one, during the process scientist says that after 40 days of struggling in a small corner of forest they will become re-born with new feathers and beak. This time a much larger… to soar higher. The sign of maturity is in soaring, coz then you will find your self that you’re no longer flying. It means that I am now in the air above not because of my strength and effort to be there and fly, but I just let the air to carry me in soaring…this time.
TODAY, I celebrate victory not because of what I am. Not because I am successful. Not because I have a nice job while others are now a victim of recession. Not because I proved that I am better over that the guy … but because I am a product of a MIRACLE… Yeah call me boastful, but I will be boasting in the name of the Lord.
I remember an official KKB shirt during my time. It was a blue shirt that has a white printed Eagle at the back and under is a text that says “I’M FREE!” I wish I still have it today, so that I can wear it!
Though I am still a work in progress, I hope you were blessed with my story. I feel that I need to write this for you read it today my friend. I f you’re now experiencing what I have been through, just follow my simple formula.. it’s just a five powerful words… LET GO AND LET GOD!
And yeah, tomorrow is another much wonderful day! Dasol, Pangasinan is our destination, we’re scheduled to do an island-hopping, this time, with officemates and a special someone whom I’m enjoying loving her for almost 5 years now! I’m glad I did it.
Enjoy the Lenten Season with your family. Always do good, my friend!
God bless and bless GOD!
I remain forever your friend,
(Contact me in my given information here in friendster, if you feel that I can be of great help to you.)